I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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