I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
