i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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