Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
