So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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