your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
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Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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