where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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