it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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