I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
