thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
