i wish there were pregnant emoticons
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
