I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
