Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I want to be your penis for a week.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
