It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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