I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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