Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We are two peas in an std pod
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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