I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
