she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
