Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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