my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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