I wanna bring you to show and tell
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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