Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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