I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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