I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
