you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
