There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
