I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
