she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
