Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Drunk is a universal language darling
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
