Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
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I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
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Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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