i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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