My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The air was thick with penises
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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