Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm like, not good at living.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
