Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just googled if crying burns calories
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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