Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
