so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
