Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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