dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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