Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
