wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
