come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
