12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize