Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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