Where is the hickey?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
