What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
