Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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