Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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