guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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