I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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