So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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