I hate all girls vehemently.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
