So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
