Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Randomize
