I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
