Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
