1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
