I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
