u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
