I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
