You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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