Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(416): View more from Ontario

Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up

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(720): View more from Colorado

I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get

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(281): View more from Texas

I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.

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(845): View more from New York

I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.

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(765): View more from Indiana

So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.

(1-423): View more from Tennessee

most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you

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