the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
