i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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