When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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