so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
