Everything about him screamed your future.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
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He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
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I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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