i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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