The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize
