i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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